Two weeks ago I penned this post. I’m talking ink written in cursive on loose-leaf paper.  Sometimes I choose pen and paper over my laptop because it’s just more personal.  But then I’m stuck deciphering my not-so-easy-to-read penmanship.  However, I do not have to worry about a battery running low or hitting save, or disastrous coffee spills as I attempt to caffeinate while squeezing in some early morning creativity.  Sometimes I carry the sheets of folded loose leaf with me.  They come to the little one’s gymnastics class or the bus stop or to meetings just in case I find a few moments to add something new to the thoughts that I have already jotted down.  Sadly, the words I had written did not make it onto the blog because I simply did not have the time (or did I not make the time?).  And then life happened (as it does to all of us).  Life as in responsibilities, heartbroken children, much-needed home improvements, visits with loved ones, and sleep.  I’m sure you can relate.  But as I was finishing up my chores last night I started thinking about something else I wanted to write and I thought about what I had left unfinished and the words that were left unshared and I felt a mixture of guilt and sadness.  So I’m making the time right now while more demanding but less important tasks wait on the sidelines because I so dislike the feeling of not finishing what I started and I want to share my experience with anyone who will appreciate it.

Monday, March 4, 2019

This morning I awoke to fresh snow covering the ground and clinging to tree branches.  I can’t say I had that “first snow” feeling but I did appreciate the beauty of it.  Snowfall this late in the season usually means very muddy pastures later in the week.  Negative thoughts aside I rejoiced at how pristine the battlefields (I mean pastures) looked on this postcard-worthy morning.  Standing on the front porch indulging my senses with a cup of steaming coffee, warm sunshine, brilliant snow, pastel sky, and peaceful silence I thought to myself that life just doesn’t get better than this.  I leaned on the post and soaked it all in – savoring the moments of quiet and solitude before the morning hustle began.  Then the spell was broken by a crow chasing a red-tailed hawk.  They came from the west and soared straight into my line of sight.  It felt as though that moment froze in time.  There I was alone in the world with these two spirits.  The crow’s black feathers contrasted with the paleness of the day and the underside of the hawk reflected the colors of the world around him.

Crows and red-tailed hawks are common in this area but that doesn’t make seeing them any less significant.  If anything it has allowed for a better understanding of their behavior and a deeper appreciation for their uniqueness.  Crows, the foraging omnivores, are extremely intelligent and social birds.  They have the biggest brain-to-body ratio among all bird species.  They have highly developed forebrains; the area where intelligence is regulated. Interestingly enough the anatomy of the crow's brain is similar to humans.  They are known for their problem-solving and communication skills. Crows are also fiercely protective of their young and nesting sites. They will mob and harass predators to protect the area’s young. However today it was just one crow, alone, in pursuit of the hawk. 

Red-tailed hawks inhabit just about every type of open habitat in North America.   They are easily identified by their rust colored tail feathers.  These birds of prey feast primarily on small mammals but will also eat birds, snakes, and carrion.  They choose to nest in the crowns of tall trees so they can have a complete view of the landscape.  Just like the crow they are fiercely protective of their nesting sites often chasing away other raptors.  And this is the time of year to watch and listen for them because mating season is about to begin.

The naturalist in me knows a lot about crow and hawk behavior and loves seeing them. I will crane my neck to get a glimpse of a hawk sitting patiently perched in a tree.  I will stop in my tracks to watch as they soar high above.  I listen for their mating calls and wonder just where their nests are.  Crows are no less captivating.  I find their foraging antics amusing.   I love their vocalizations.  But the best is watching the crows that live in the more urban areas.  Evening is the best time to observe them.  They fly by the hundreds making the sky look like something out of a Hitchcock movie.  It seems so ominous but it really is just seeing these amazing intelligent birds at their best.  But still, all this knowledge aside, I can’t help but think that my seeing them together on such a peaceful, introspective morning might mean something.

The experience has sat with me all day.  My mind keeps wondering back to the image of the crow and the hawk; back to the contrast of aggression and grace.  I felt as though the universe was speaking to me.  What lesson was I to learn from seeing the interaction between these two birds?  Granted, I have had a lot on my mind of late and I have been feeling a bit lost.  Maybe looking deeper than the beauty of the moment and focusing on the lesson it offers will help me figure out my current situation.   All day long “The Crow and The Hawk” repeated in my head.  I’ve read enough on symbolism to know a little bit of the importance of these two birds as spirit animals.  The hawk is considered a messenger of the spirit world.  It is a symbol of focused power, leadership, and clear vision.  And then there’s the crow’s symbolism of personal transformation, intelligence, fearlessness, adaptability, and insightfulness.  It tells you to speak your truth and appreciate life’s magic.  I wonder how I can use these qualities in my life right now to help with my current circumstances.

My current life situation is far from intolerable.  In fact it’s probably better than that of most other people.  I truly have no reason to complain and believe me I don’t.   But I have many responsibilities; some of with which I was entrusted and others that are just part of adulthood and parenthood.  Still, some days all the worrying and caring become overwhelming.   I watch my children struggle through disappointments and I make the hard choice to not smooth things over for them.  I listen to people’s sadness and know that I am incapable of changing it.  My heart aches for loved ones whose health is suffering and all I can offer are prays and well wishes.  I am faced with the next chapter of my life as I wrap up the epilogue of my father’s story.  In the end I care a lot; not about what others think but about how others are feeling.  I worry a lot; not about what will make me happy but what will make life happier for others.  However, I am in a position of decision maker and sometimes that’s the hardest one to hold because there is little room for fun and a lot of room for disappointment. 

The hawk represents aspects of my life that require me to be a leader – parent, executrix, business owner.  I have to plan and follow through.  I have to be prepared for the unexpected and respond with quick thinking.  I am often the person others turn to for advice or support and I willingly give it.  But then there’s the crow telling me to let go of all the logic and embrace the magic.  I can have fun, create, and just be.   I can live my life without sacrificing my creativity and personal truth.  It’s not about forsaking one for the other but balancing both aspects of my life.  Some days will be about hard work.  Others will be about fun.  Sometimes the two will be hand in hand and that’s where I thrive.

I woke up this morning with a lot on my mind and it all faded by stepping out my front door into a postcard worthy scene.   If I were merely visiting this place for the day I’d write a postcard to a friend and I’d tell them about how at peace I feel surrounded by quiet and beauty. I’d write about the crow chasing the hawk.   I’d say I am inspired.  I’d tell them that I need this break and I’m taking some time to just enjoy the scenery.  Then I’d address it to myself.

If you are interested in animal symbolism I recommend checking out www.spiritanimal.info  and if you want to learn more about birds and their life history then check out www.allaboutbirds.org.

Life is wonderful if you just take the time to wonder about it and the information is out there to help you learn about anything you want to know about even yourself.