If you read Try Something Woo then you may recall that I said I would share my experience if anything happened when I tried something woo by attending a gallery psychic reading. Well, let me just tell you that the experience was nothing like I anticipated. At the moment I felt a wave of disappointment, but after a few weeks to wonder about it, I can honestly say the evening went exactly how it was supposed to go.

On November 3rd I joined my friends Naomi, Michele, and Jen at the yoga studio for an evening with Psychic Medium Deborah Hanlon. I had high hopes for my first time attending such a gathering. That day was just two weeks after the 20th anniversary of my mother’s passing and five days after my deceased sister’s birthday. I was certain that someone, any of my many deceased loved ones, would reach out from beyond. I would have even been happy if it was one of my former animal friends. But to make a long story about a long evening short, not one of the four of us had any contact with any of our departed friends and family members. Now this isn’t to say that the evening was a waste. It was quite the opposite. Deborah was engaging and charismatic while she sensed people’s deceased grandparents, parents, and children and shared details and emotions that no stranger would ever guess.

When the gathering concluded, the four of us decided to get a bite to eat at the diner. We all ordered soup and sandwiches from the nicest waitress I ever met. We chatted about the experience and Naomi had a profound thought -none of us were contacted because none of us needed to be. I wondered about that statement all month long and I realized she was right. As much as I wanted to hear from Mom or Dad, sister or auntie, cousin or friend, the truth is there is no reason for them to be part of some public display because there isn’t a day that they aren’t here with me.

Now if you’re wondering why on earth it has taken me so long to share this with you it’s because November was a blur of activity. In addition to all the regular commitments, we had three major home improvements done (can’t write while someone is banging and sawing) and we adopted a four-month-old Belgian Malinois puppy (think toddler on speed). However, the writing was done before pen ever hit paper or my fingers touched a keyboard. It was all done in my head during a long meandering walk with my sweet little Chihuahua Zoe while I thought about the submission guidelines for a poetry anthology entitled Facing Goodbye. Unfortunately, the deadline for submission was November 30th. Since I’m a bit late, I will share it with you. Well, not the original because that was lost to the trees and the wind but the version that I could remember as I spoke into my voice recorder while driving to the the veterinarian to pick up meds for a sick cat.

I went to a psychic hoping to hear from you

All of you or just one of you

Because none of you said a final adieu

It’s been years I’ve been waiting, wondering

How are you? Where are you?

Because I’m still here

Looking at pictures of you

Reliving memories made with you

Memories of our good times, our bad times, our sad times

But all I want to know is how are you?

So I went to a psychic hoping to hear from you

I sat in rapt attention. I stared at her

HOPING, HOPING she would say something to me

That one of your voices would come through her and say something to me

But I was one of the only ones who heard nothing from a loved one

I sat there for hours listening to her tell people about theirs

And there I was with so many lost loved ones

And yet she had nothing to say to me

I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed because my hopes were high

Then they were shattered

All fell from the mantel of longing I placed them on

Fell and shattered all over the floor of that studio

I went home and thought about it

I went for a walk and thought about it

I thought about you and me

And why I wanted to say goodbye

But the truth is there is no goodbye to say

Because you’re not gone

Mom is in my blue eyes and the hands I have matured into

Dad is in that crooked grin that stares back at me from the mirror

Sister is in my voice every time I speak. No wonder her children adore me.

Aunties and cousins, uncles and friends, you’re all here with me in the loved ones you left behind.

In the memories we made and the celebrations we had

There is no goodbye to say

Because you’re not gone

You’re still here with me

The only farewell I have to say is to the notion of hoping to hear from you

Through a woman who doesn’t even know me.

She didn’t need to tell me how you are or where you are

I know how you are

You’re fine. You’re happy. You’re together.

You have memories to make in some other realm

I know that you know that l will never forget you

And I’ll never have to say goodbye to what was

because it remains inside of me

Inside of everyone we love.

I was proud of myself for trying something new and woo. I don’t think I’ll ever attend a psychic reading again simply because I have no need or want. However, I will continue to try new things. In fact, this fall I tried two. On November 10th I put myself out there and attended an Art Group at the Mamakating Environmental Education Center hosted by the newly formed nonprofit called The Community Design Workshop. I was joined by my daughter and niece and we all had a wonderful time creating and meeting people. Everyone got to make several monoprints using dried plants gathered from the surrounding lands of the Bashakill Preserve. We enjoyed ourselves so much that I signed us up for the next event where we will be creating paintings of nighttime landscapes. This is a real stretch for me because visual arts are not my forte but they are my daughter’s. However, I do like this community of people and I want to show Hannah that it is okay to do things for the sheer enjoyment of it even if you’re not the best at it. I have a feeling that this Art Group will be my new thing.

The other new thing was a weekly Pilates class at the school thanks to Naomi’s persuasion. So every Thursday evening I join Naomi, Laura, and Pam to be tortured by the lovely and tough Gillian. I must admit it has been a humbling experience. I pride myself on my physical fitness but after an hour with Gillian, I am sore for a day (or 2 or 3 or 4). But the best part of the class aside from feeling and seeing my obliques is the fun I have with the other women. Gillian and I go way back to my Gold’s Gym days so she knew me at my prime. Laura and Pam are new acquaintances but I have a feeling Laura is going to become a really good friend. She is hilarious.

November came and went. I tried new things and made new friends. I adopted a new puppy and got new upgrades to the house. Most importantly, I gained some new insight into loss and grief. The lesson I learned is that the best way to honor the ones no longer here with us is to try new experiences, make new friends, open our hearts to new love, and continue to live our lives. Those hours I spent trying something woo with Psychic Medium Deborah Hanlon left me with one takeaway and it is that they are watching and want nothing more than to see us happy.

Thank you again for taking the time to wonder along with me. I hope by sharing this I made you feel encouraged to try new things and meet new people because life is wonderful when you just take the time to wonder about it.