Black and White
This week’s snowfall gave me a lot to wonder about as it kept me busy. Anyone who owns animals understands that life can get a little harder in the winter. There is no hibernating for horse enthusiasts and we gladly bundle up to make sure our equines are staying comfortable and have plenty of hay and (unfrozen) water. I swear my insulated coveralls are the best piece of clothing I own. Those things allow me to stay outside for the long hours it takes for me to clear the snow, maintain the stalls, and enjoy the beauty around me. Then when I can no longer physically shovel snow or sled down the hill anymore I get to go into the house and feel the warmth of the wood stoves. That’s what I think this season is all about – contrast.
Once the snow had finished falling I was struck by the beauty of the scene around me. This little slice of Heaven of mine looked like a black and white photo with very little mid-tones. Everything from the three horses in the pasture to the woods behind my house was a beautiful contrast to the fresh white snow and the white sky from which it fell. It was both magical and meditative. My eyes were so adjusted to the simplicity of my surroundings that when Hannah came out to sled wearing her black snow pants and snow leopard print jacket I was completely shocked by the vividness of her bright yellow Pikachu hat and green sled. They disturbed the landscape just as much as her laughter filled the silent air. I chided myself for being overly sensitive. After all, it wasn’t so long ago that I was marveling over a bright blue sky, colorful leaves, and boisterous insects.
I took a break from chores and pondered long enough to join Hannah for some sledding in the upper pasture. Of course, Coco, the ferret, was in attendance. We alternated between sledding and observing Coco as she tunneled through the snow flushing out shrews. Hannah loved watching her do what ferrets do best and I got to sled by myself for a while. Coco’s adventures left tiny paw prints in the snow and her energy level low. Once she crawled into my coveralls to nap I knew playtime was over and it was time to return to the comfort of the house.
Inside the kitchen, my cherished coveralls felt oppressive and I couldn’t remove them fast enough. With our wet outerwear hanging by the fire to dry I made us some hot chocolate and settled in at the kitchen table to relax and see what I was missing in the world of Facebook. I love social media because it allows me to stay in touch with so many loved ones. I have friends and family all over the globe and being able to see photos of their children, adventures, and milestones make me happy. But on this day I saw posts that were more of the same and none of them represented the day I was having. I saw photos of tidy living rooms with meticulously decorated trees captioned ‘First snowfall so we decided to decorate the tree’ and other photos of mothers with their kids baking Christmas cookies ‘on this snowy day. I looked around my house and it was clear that those images did not represent my life. My living room had baskets of laundry that needed to be folded, cat toys were strewn around the floor, and my coffee table was no longer visible under Hannah’s latest artwork. I would have to do some serious debriding if a tree was to go up and quite frankly I had no desire to do any of that. Back in my kitchen was a counter full of dishes and a table covered in papers and miscellaneous items (keys, magic cards, books, a code reader, and some transformers). Sigh. I would not be baking cookies with my kids on this wintry day. No instead all three of us would be suited up to finish snow removal. The kids would get the car cleared off and shoveled out since my Jeep was at work with my husband. I would finish clearing the 200-foot driveway and bedding down the animals for the night. Needless to say, our evening concluded with not a single dish being washed or a shirt being folded and me crawling into bed. I’m almost certain that the kids had dinner.
It is easy to get caught up in what other people are doing. If Facebook didn’t exist I wouldn’t have thought once about Christmas trees, cookies, or that blasted elf on a shelf. I wouldn’t have wondered once if I was a good mother or if my kids were happy. But for a brief moment, I did get sucked into that comparison trap that is so easily set off by the highlight reel of other people’s lives. The fact is I’m not that mother. I don’t keep a perfect home. I don’t do the elf on the shelf. Decorations are sparse. A tree will eventually get put up sometime before Christmas Eve. Sugar cookies might get baked but truth be told I bake almost daily (I just don’t post pictures of it). That being said I like seeing the best of everyone’s days even if what they show is in complete contrast to my life because I’m sure someone is looking at my photos of animals and nature thinking that my life is awesome. Maybe I’ll share some photos of my kitchen and living room one day. Probably not though. Someone might call child services or worse my mother-in-law might decide to visit (just kidding she’s welcome any time).
My mind kept wandering back to the idea of contrast because as much as I enjoyed looking at my property and horses in black and white I thought to myself that this could get old. The day after the snow storm the sun was shining and the sky was a vivid blue. Now the world was not so stark. The trees were no longer black silhouettes against a white backdrop. They were a variety of shades of brown and gray each one unique. The birds returned to the feeders. The gray juncos, the blue jays, the red cardinals, and the brown doves provide the colors of winter. I started wondering about the dangers of black-and-white (dichotomous) thinking. Do you know that kind of thinking that leaves you with a choice between all or nothing, good or bad, happy or sad, perfection or complete garbage? That same thinking that has people fighting about politics, religion, education, fashion, sports, child-rearing, etc. That kind of thinking can be dangerous because it is limiting. It forces people into keeping their agendas without thinking of the needs or desires of other people. How many people have lost friends over opposing political views? How many of us have been made uncomfortable when someone criticized the way we look? How many of us have been made to feel guilty for being a working mother? Or made to feel worthless for choosing not to work? The fact is too many of us see the world through only one lens – our own. But the world isn’t black and white and it isn’t just what we see. It is colorful and full of nuances. We are all entitled to our own beliefs but a belief is not a fact and so we do not need to impose them onto others. So when I was triggered by all the Facebook photos it was just me buying into the old belief that mothers should keep tidy homes, bake cookies, and bond with their kids on snowy days. These beliefs don’t suit me and that is just fine because the three of us had fun bonding over snow removal (and snowball throwing) while everyone else was enjoying (what I imagine to be) their Better Homes and Gardens-worthy cookies and décor.
