Winter Pondering

Isn’t life funny? Just when you think you have it figured out, your circumstances change. Well, at least that’s what continues to happen to me. I wanted to be a veterinarian but I became an environmental scientist. I thought I would travel the world but instead I moved back to my childhood home and married a childhood friend. I never wanted to be a mother until I became one. Do you see where this is going?

When COVID hit five years ago, I resigned myself to being at home surrounded by my family, animals, and gardens. I had no plans of going back to work. I was more than happy to focus on wondering and writing, daydreaming and creating. For four years I did exactly that and I loved it. Then one day last Spring my husband and I made an offer on an old house and purchased it. That project alone filled our days with work. So why, a few months later, did we then make an offer on a used bookstore? Well, because it felt right. And just like that my quiet stay-at-home era ended and my burgeoning bookstore owner career began.

To say that it was a big adjustment is an understatement. I had been out of practice of getting up and go, go, going and more accustomed to leisurely mornings and doing what I wanted. Overnight, I found myself with my nose to the grindstone, overwhelmed, exhausted, and completely in love with what I was doing. Sure, my house and gardens took the brunt of the neglect that my eight hour days at the bookstore caused but I tried not to care about dirty dishes and weeds. The one thing that did bother me was the lack of time I would have to create and write. I honestly thought that the store would provide plenty of quiet time to do just that. Oh, how naive I was.

When we opened the doors to From Beyond Books in July 2024, we had a vision for the the little bookstore. We saw the space as a place to build community and knew that in order to thrive we would need to diversify. Afterall, selling used books at low prices wouldn’t yield much revenue and rent wasn’t free. So we brought in comics, trading card games, and collectibles. To our relief the investment in those things paid off. Our customer base has grown. We still have the same wonderful bookworms that fell in love with the bookstore years before we arrived but now we also have people stopping in to purchase comics, Pokemon, and Magic The Gathering. Our growing popularity is allowing us to offer free events for the community like monthly story and craft time and weekly slow stitch groups and game nights. The only downside to owning a thriving small business is the complete lack of time for creative pursuits. So, if you have been wondering why I haven’t been sharing regularly, then you now know.

Trust me it isn’t for lack of things to wonder about. All day, every day, my mind is going. It’s just a time issue. This morning as I looked outside and heard bird song and saw the geese returning to the pond, I realized I needed to get these thoughts out of my head before the official end of winter. These thoughts are about the animals that captured my attention all season long. They kept me distracted and entertained while I tried to hurry through my barn chores. They forced me to slow down and be in the moment.

One drizzly cold December morning, movement on the pond caught my attention. The pond was icing over but in the center there was a circle of open water. An animal was swimming and diving. Others were sitting huddled together atop a large rock next to a mound of sticks and leaves. I stopped in my tracks on the way to the manure pile, turned off the New York Times podcast, and watched. A family of muskrats was busying themselves as they prepared for a long cold winter. It seemed as though their lodge appeared overnight. In all my years of living next door to this pond, I had never seen a lodge as big as this one. One muskrat was swimming and diving in the still open water, emerging with mouthfuls of vegetation. The others seemed to be eating the proffered items. I could have spent hours observing and photographing their interactions, but alas, I had a bookstore to get to.

Throughout the winter I kept my eye on the pond. The family seemed to be settled in as their environment fully froze over; their activity kept hidden from me as they navigated under the ice from lodge to pushups. As the muskrats stayed out of sight, other mammals were showing themselves. I was particularly tickled by a little lone mink playing in a dusting of snow. There is a small island in the pond and this tiny but fierce critter was rolling and sliding between the pond’s edge and the little land mass. No doubt the adorable carnivore had claimed its territory and was enjoying a steady diet of fish and dare I say possibly muskrat.

I only witnessed the mink that one time, but I made stopping by the pond part of my morning routine. A hush fell over the land as temperatures dropped and snow blanketed everything. Activity appeared to cease. The only signs of it were the occasional small footprints in the snow. Then, one day well into winter, I was surprised by a flash of orange. A red fox was trotting across the pond, either unaware or unbothered by my curious stare. I was pretty sure he was either on a mission to find food or a mate. Chances are both were on his mind. Winter is mating season for red foxes and often I could often hear their calls well after sundown. The babies will be arriving soon and that will mean my hens will have to stay guarded behind the electric fence.

This winter was a harsh one. We had some sub zero temps, too much ice, and a lot of stress. The cold is expected when you live in New York. The stress does increase when you have to cover heating fuel costs and navigate unplowed country roads, but this winter it seemed worse. I think many people were feeling anxious about our current political climate. I know I’d been more tuned into current events than usual. I welcomed the adorable distractions during my morning routine.

I shared these experiences with you for a reason. All winter long I’ve been silently wondering about the mammals that made themselves known to me on some of the unkindest days. I realized that they were all dropping hints. And now that the ice has melted it’s about time I get all the thoughts out of my head.

All three mammals, regardless of how dissimilar they may be, are symbols of adaptability and resourcefulness. It’s as though the universe sent the muskrat as a reminder that I need to adapt to my new schedule. I swear I meant to share that experience back in December, but never made the time to do so. Then the playful mink put on a one man show for me and still I didn’t take the time to wonder about the activity on the winter pond. Finally, I was lucky enough to see the red fox in all his winter glory. It is said that encountering a red fox in the wild can be a magical experience and I have to agree. The day I saw it, I was once again reminded to adjust to my new conditions and think outside the box. After all, my main complaint about my new endeavors was not having the time to pursue my creative outlets like writing. I literally thought about these animals all winter long.

So what changed? Why did I finally take those lessons to heart? Well, the pond is open and the geese have returned. The seasonal shift is upon us. If the long winter can finally come to an end, then so can my procrastination. The geese reminded me that I am part of team and that I don’t have to do everything. Geese survive because they cooperate and take turns leading and following. There are two of us who are responsible for the store, but I am the one responsible for the livestock. and the majority of the domestic load. The solution to my lack of time problem was right there in front of me. Afterall, there is no I in teamwork. My husband/business partner is capable of opening the store on his own and my two teenage children are capable of so much more than they know. Recently, I decided to stop prioritizing housework and prepping meals (if I don’t feel like doing it). Somehow they manage to eat even if I don’t cook for them. They may not be aware of all the minutia that makes up daily life but a quick text reminding them to unload the dishwasher, vacuum, or take out the recycling gets the job done before I get home. And even the man, who for twenty plus years had never had to worry about his meals, is figuring out that he can keep himself from starving. Perfect example is last night’s dinner of cereal. The point is, we all have the same twenty-four hours in a day but some of us have far more to do than others. I love being at the bookstore, talking to the customers I now call friends, but I also love being in the barn and gardens. I need to wonder and create. I neither love nor need to be a domestic goddess so I will gladly step down from that role.

Thank you for wondering along with me once again. If the past year has taught me anything it has to be the fact that circumstances are constantly changing. Some changes are because of choices we make and risks we take. Others are out of our control no matter how much we try to stop them from happening. Regardless of whether or not we are part of the process, all change knocks us off balance. All we can do is accept the fact that everything is seasonal and cyclical. Sometimes we are merely surviving and other times we are thriving. Many times it is up to each of us individually to make the best of a situation, but it is nice not to have to go it alone. When faced with adversity we must adapt and surround ourselves with people who can bolster us while we work through things. I think that is why I love being at the bookstore where I have the best community.