I Went to a Psychic

I went to a psychic hoping to hear from you

All of you or just one of you

Because none of you said a final adieu

It’s been years of waiting, wondering

How are you? Where are you?

Because I’m still here

Looking at pictures of you

Reliving memories made with you

Memories of our good times, our bad times, our sad times

But all I want to know is how are you?

So I went to a psychic hoping to hear from you

I sat in rapt attention, I stared at her

HOPING, HOPING she would say something to me

That one of your voices would come through her and say something to me

But I was one of the only ones who heard nothing from a loved one

I sat there for hours listening to her tell people about theirs

And there I was with so many lost loved ones

And yet she had nothing to say to me

I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed because my hopes were high

Then they were shattered

All fell from the mantel of longing I placed them on

Fell and shattered all over the floor of that studio

I went home and thought about it

I went for a walk and thought about it

I thought about you and me

And why I wanted to say goodbye

But the truth is there is no goodbye to say

Because you’re not gone

Mom is in my blue eyes and the hands I have matured into

Dad is in that crooked grin that stares back at me from the mirror

Sister is in my voice every time I speak. No wonder her children adore me.

Aunties and cousins, uncles and friends, you’re all here with me in the loved ones you left behind.

In the memories we made and the celebrations we had

There is no goodbye to say

Because you’re not gone

You’re still here with me

The only farewell I have to say is to the notion of hoping to hear from you

Through a woman who doesn’t even know me.

She didn’t need to tell me how you are or where you are

I know how you are

You’re fine. You’re happy. You’re together.

You have memories to make in some other realm

I know that you know that l will never forget you

And I’ll never have to say goodbye to what was

because it remains inside of me

Inside of everyone we love.

A white feather I found in the horse pasture the day I wrote this poem. It symbolizes that your angel is near and they want you to know it.