LadyBug

Ladybugs are a symbol of good fortune and vibrant living.  If that is the case then October 30, 2018, must be my lucky day.  I arrived home from work on this beautiful sunny fall day to a swarm of ladybugs.  They were gathered near and around my front door.  My initial reaction was to smile and say, “Hi, Ginna”.  Ginna is my big sister.  She passed away 6 years ago in June.  October 29 was her birthday.  She would have been 49.  And Ginna loved ladybugs.  After she passed people would say that when they saw this bright little beetle it meant that she was visiting.  I’d like to believe that.  I’d like to think that she was celebrating her birthday here with me at one of our childhood homes.  That thought makes me cry and smile at the same time.  The sentimental side of me wants to take the swarm of ladybugs as a sign.  The scientist in me knows that they are looking for a warm place to hibernate for the winter and that the sun-warmed front of my old cedar-sided house is the ideal spot.  Sometimes I hate the scientist part of me.  I want the ladybugs to be my sister.  I want to know that she is here with me. 

This past June I turned 43.  I was not in a particularly celebratory mood.  This past June marked 6 years since my sister’s passing at the age of 42.  I had officially surpassed the age she was when she suddenly and inexplicably died.  One minute she was preparing to board a plane with her sons.  The next she was gone.  The last time I spoke to her was on my Birthday two days prior when she called with good wishes and to tell me she loved me.  The last time I thought about her, well, there isn’t the last time because she’s on my mind always.  She was my big sister.  She was my greatest confidant.  She was my best friend. We were so opposite that we were completely compatible.   

I was not present for her early childhood but from what I was told Ginna had a flare for the dramatic.  She was the baby of 4 for a while before she became the eldest of the second set of 3.  She was adored and coddled by her big sister and brothers.  She had our mother’s undivided attention while the older ones were at school.  I can imagine her as a little girl playing beauty shop with her mom and having ladybug picnics.  I believe that stemmed from watching the ever-educational Sesame Street.  Sesame Street had the Ladybug Picnic song that taught counting up to 12.  It’s a catchy little tune and I’m sure it sparked her imagination.   So the Ginna/Ladybug pairing started before I was ever a thought.  Her spirit animal was chosen for her before she ever had an idea of what that would mean. 

The big sister I knew was strikingly beautiful.  She was dramatic.  She was obsessed with makeup and fashion.  She loved her family.  She was fiercely loyal to her friends. She was the center of attention.  According to The Astrology Web having a ladybug as a spirit animal means that you are high-spirited, inquisitive, open-minded, trustworthy, and easygoing.  She could make friends anywhere she went.  People were naturally drawn to her just like they are drawn to cheery little ladybugs.  But like the ladybug, she was so much more than a pretty little thing.

The ladybug is so much more than a symbol of good fortune or maybe the ladybug is the embodiment of it because its presence may mean a healthy garden and a healthy garden means an abundance of food. Regardless, ecologically speaking the ladybug is highly valuable. The cute little beetle is a natural enemy of many insect pests.  It has been demonstrated that one can consume as many as 5,000 aphids in a lifetime.  Besides aphids, it will also eat scales, mealy bugs, leaf hoppers, mites, and a variety of soft-bodied insects.  I wonder if Ginna knew the true worth of her spirit animal.  I wonder if she knew her true worth. 

My sister shined.  She knew how to present herself. Her beauty was her greatest asset, but like me, she was in the middle - young enough to sometimes be the most beautiful in the room but old enough for that to not always be the case.  The sad fact is I’m not sure she was comfortable with that reality.  She based so much of her life on looking perfect, acting perfect, and appearing perfect that she missed out on showing the world just how amazing and important she could be.  She was smart.  She was strong.  She had a big heart.  She probably would use these same words to describe me thinking all the while that she did not possess those traits. 

Once, I was asked the question that if I could have a conversation with anyone past or present who would it be and what would you talk about?  I did not have an answer.  But I have an answer now.  I’d have one last conversation with Ginna.  I’d let her know that I know she’s so much more than what we see.  I’d tell her that she’s necessary and important to the health of our family.  I’d tell her that she is smarter and stronger than she’d ever imagined.  I’d tell her to stop worrying about what people see and to let them love her for all her other amazing qualities. I’d let her know that she was a great big sister even when she wasn’t so nice.  She helped shape me into the person I am. In other words, she tended my garden.  My sister is the ladybug.  Not because she was vibrant and pretty but because my garden is better for having her in it.  So maybe just maybe that ladybug swarm was her way of celebrating with me because without it I would never have wondered down this path.

More information about ladybugs and symbolism can be found at these helpful websites www.buglogical.com and www.theastrologyweb.com

Sesame Street’s ladybug picnic song http://genius.com/Sesame-street-ladybugs-picnic-lyrics