Feeling Blue
Some days I wake up on the wrong side of bed in the wrong kind of mood. This morning for example, after a terrible night’s sleep, I was awaken before my 5:30 alarm by the dog barking. Then my daughter, who is usually a late sleeper, woke up and wouldn’t go back to sleep. So there I was tired, groggy, un-caffeinated, and not at all prepared to pick out clothes and pack lunches. Somehow I mustered up the energy to get the big one up and out by 6:30. With a little time to kill and no chance of going back to sleep we two girls sat on the couch, beverage of choice in hand, and read a book about wild cats of North America (she’s really into predators lately). I couldn’t help but laugh at how violent the book read (but how else does one describe how a mountain lion kills its prey). Two cups of coffee later I was ready to do the requested hair style of the day and get out the door to the elementary school bus.
As I walked back to the house, horses staring longingly at me, I promised that I’d be back out shortly. But once inside I felt a pull to the couch. This was not going to be easy. I literally had to pep talk myself into getting back outside. So I made myself a deal - my butt could stay on the couch for as long as it took for me to eat breakfast - after all the horses and goats can’t feed themselves this time of year. It’s nice to be needed but sometimes it would be nice not to be. Breakfast finished, I pulled on my boots and left the coveralls hanging on the hook. The temps would be approaching 50 plus today and after the week we had it feels like bikini weather. Determined not to waste a warm day indoors I headed out in the hopes that my mood would improve. I just had to break up my pity party of one.
What a difference a half hour makes! While I was eating breakfast feeling sorry for myself the Sun was busy burning off the last of the morning haze. I stepped off the porch into a blindingly bright day complete with a sparkling snow covered ground and a vibrantly blue cloudless sky. And I sneezed! And I just kept on sneezing while I walked to the hay trailer to get out the morning rations. Apparently the obnoxious sounds coming out of me (I am not a dainty sneezer) were disrupting an otherwise peaceful and quiet morning because a blue jay sitting in an old apple tree decided to protest my existence. I was being jeered at while both my nasal passages and eyes adjusted to the day. I looked up at the tree to notice the solitary jay as blue as the sky behind him. I couldn’t help but marvel at how his colors mirrored the colors of the world around us - blue, white, black, and gray. In that instance I went from being in a blue mood to admiring all the blue around me.
I wondered how the term blue mood came about when the color blue is anything but depressing. My mother’s eyes were blue (nothing sad about them) and they shone with an intensity that could stop a person in their tracks. My father didn’t want to sleep anywhere other than his blue bedroom. I seriously can’t imagine how blue can have a negative connotation. It is a cool and calming color and it symbolizes loyalty, strength, and wisdom. Just think about how you feel when gazing out onto the ocean or lying on your back looking up at a cloudless sky. Do you feel depressed or sad? No you feel calm, serene, and free. My thirst for knowledge led me to search the meaning of the color blue and I learned that light blue represents health, healing, tranquility, understanding, and softness while dark blue is associated with knowledge, power, integrity, and professionalism. This certainly makes sense - so many companies use blue in their logos and décor. Professionals wear their navy blue power suits. Heck! The blue jay certainly got my attention sporting his various shades of blue.
This brings me to my morning heckler. Fortunately, blue jays are not elusive birds. We’ve all seen them and can easily identify them. They are frequent visitors to any backyard feeder and if you hear them once you can easily distinguish their call from that of another bird. Now if you’ve had the luxury of meeting a nesting jay then you know just how fierce and protective they can be. Blue jays are intelligent birds with complex social systems and tight family bonds. Get too close to a nest and you just may get more than a jeer – you might get a peck to the head. It’s no wonder that there are a lot of meanings connected to the blue jay: energy, clarity, curiosity, faithfulness, intelligence, and determination are just a few. “In animal symbolism, the blue jay resonates truth, faithfulness, and solidarity because they are vigilant in their tasks. They also keep the same mate for life, which is symbolic of endurance, patience, and loyalty. The jay is an excellent symbol for those wishing to honor their long-lasting bond between friends, family, and lovers.”
Well, my blue streak of wonderment left me with quite a lot to process but it also left me in a completely different mood. Nature truly is the best medicine. I went about my chores of feeding and mucking with new found energy and an appreciation for the unseasonably warm weather. It is nice to be needed. I have a tiny herd of ungulates that rely on me and in return I receive lots of exercise and love. I know they love me even if they can’t say it because you can’t spend so much time with animals without forming a bond. Ethel would have no other reason to stop eating, walk over to me and affectionately press her forehead against my side. Or Lakota, who saunters up to me, rests his huge head on my shoulder and inhales as if he is a person smelling a rose. We may not be the same species but we are friends and family. They show me love in the best ways they know how.
Isn’t that the point – to show love and to strengthen bonds with those in our lives? I may have woken up on the wrong side of bed in the wrong kind of mood but as I reflect on how my day progressed from the dark pre-dawn hour to the time I sat to write this I can’t help thinking that maybe the blue jay was sitting in that tree just waiting for me. He reminded me that I must stay vigilant in my tasks because so many others rely on my patience and my ability to endure. But I’m also reminded of the fact that I am part of a social system and that I too can rely on others. If I really look at my day it was all about embracing the power of blue – the color and the jay. I chose to be calm and move beyond the mood I woke up in. I decided to sit with my daughter and read instead of having her be entertained by a screen while I zoned out. I mucked a week’s worth of thawing manure instead of wallowing on the couch. I held firm with my son regarding the deal we made about cleaning his room and playing a new computer game (that was all dark blue there). I ate pizza with my kids and left the dishes in the sink because bedtime reading with my daughter is more important than a clean kitchen. Today started with a typical morning and ended with a typical evening (experienced by so many mothers) but I guarantee what set my day apart from theirs was my ability to marvel at the world around me. Because the one thing I'm certain of is my true blue belief that life is wonderful if you just take the time to wonder about it.
To learn more about color meaning, blue jays, and symbolism visit these sites:
Photograph by Ed Mekeel