Just Right

Alright folks it’s back to school time. However, it’s not the “most wonderful time of the year” kind of return. Do you remember that commercial? Nope, we won’t be pushing carts up and down aisles filling them with all the supplies our sweet little angels need to make it through another school year. Instead, most of us will be making sure that our high-speed internet and PCs will be able to handle the workload. Here in my part of New York we are looking at a fully virtual start to the school year and then come October a hybrid learning model for our K through 6 students only (I’ll believe it when I see it). The big kids will be home all day every day. So, needless to say, I won’t be out hunting for the best deals on notebooks and #2 pencils.

Speaking of #2 pencils, I am reminded of the recently suggested wondering, “If the #2 pencil is the most popular then why is it still #2 ?” It’s silly because the number has nothing to do with its popularity but everything to do with the graphite core. Apparently the #2 is neither too hard like a #3 pencil which might be used by an engineer nor too soft like the #1 which is favored by editors (I’ll let you consult professor Google if you are really interested) . The #2 is perfect for our children to write sentences, do math, and color in bubbles on standardized tests. I laugh because those pencils are the bane of all parents of school age children and their ‘just right’ factor reminds me of something completely unrelated.

You see, all this wondering about the perfect pencil brought to mind the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I’m sure you are all familiar with the story of the little girl who goes into the home of the three bears and eats their porridge, sits in their chairs, and sleeps in their beds. Of course she manages to commit this B&E while the bear family is off on a walk. While they are away she treats their home as if she belongs there and decides that she is deserving of their food and comfort. After filling her belly, wrecking baby bear’s chair, and testing the mattresses on each bed, she deems baby bear’s bed just right for taking a nap. Goldilocks awakens when the three bears return home and find that their house has been ransacked. Somehow she manages to escape the hangry (you know hungry and angry) bear parents and tearful baby.

As a child I never thought about the moral of the story. Not once did I consider Goldilocks the perpetrator of a crime and the bears the victims of one. But facts are facts and that cute little girl definitely has a devious side. Plus, she must be super independent if she’s off strolling in the woods on her own. She’s as brave as I am, but at least I carry bear spray. Anyway, there is a lot we can learn from this childhood favorite. For one thing we should learn the lesson of respecting the privacy and properties of others. Goldilocks decides to enter the house even though her knocks go unanswered. I guess all that trespassing made her hungry because when her stomach starts to grumble she takes it upon herself to taste test the three bowls of cooling porridge. One is too hot. The next is too cold. But the third one is just right and she gobbles it up. She treats the chairs and the beds the same way; trying and testing them all until she finds the perfect one. Clearly Goldilocks knows what she likes and she doesn’t care who she inconveniences to get it. Hopefully, the encounter with the three bears and seeing an inconsolable baby bear made her realize that her actions can negatively affect others. Maybe that’s why her parents agreed to allow her to go play in the woods. They needed a break. Seriously though, this little girl is in for some big disappointments in her pursuit of perfection. Something tells me that if she continues on her egocentric path she will not be able to escape the outcomes of her actions as easily as she was able to flee the house of the bears.

But that is just one narrative. Here’s an alternative. Maybe Goldilocks is off wandering the woods because her parents left her home alone and she is lonely and hungry. So she decides to go in search of companionship and care. She walks so far and so long that when she finally comes upon a house she decides to knock. When no one answers she is so desperate for comfort that she decides to try the door knob. It turns and she goes inside. Once she crosses the threshold the aroma of cooling porridge wafts towards her and she remembers just how hungry she is. Goldilocks goes into the kitchen and empties the bowl that most appeals to her. Then with a full belly and tired legs she seeks out a comfortable place to sit. Upon seeing three options she tries them all until she sits in the one most suitable for her. Imagine her dismay when the chair breaks. Now exhausted and disappointed she searches for somewhere else to rest. She comes upon the bedroom and when her head hits Baby Bear’s pillow she dozes off into a contented sleep. Not once does she consider whose house she is in or where they may be. She is finally fed, warm, and safe.

Now how about them bears? Their first mistake is leaving their door unlocked. A locked door would probably deter the desperate Goldilocks. But then again maybe not. We’ll just never know. The Bear family is either too naive to think nobody would enter their home or confident enough to believe that no one would dare enter a bear’s lair uninvited. Either way they are just being silly, ignorant bears. And then when they come upon the eaten porridge, the broken chair, and the slumbering girl they act shocked and appalled. In turn they startle awake the already anxious little girl who flees out of fear for her safety. In the latter version of the story poor Goldilocks is merely a victim of her circumstances and desperate offender. Maybe a different ending for either account(an apology, a reprimand, or a call to child services) might be possible if everyone involved reacted differently to the situation.

Damn! That just got real. So now you might be wondering just where I’m going with this. Somehow I can’t help but think about the current state of our country and world. What a strange time to be alive. We are living through a pandemic, protests, and a political climate that is far more erratic than our global one. Somehow I think all the various Goldilocks out there are stressing. There is definitely no ‘just right’ no matter what side of the political, socio-economic, or conspiracy theory fence you are on. And unlike the original Goldilocks their is no easy way out of the situation in which we find ourselves. We can’t outrun or outlast these problems. Nor can we argue and fight our way out of them. I hate to say it but things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better. We aren’t just hungry and tired little children who can be appeased by a full belly and a nap. We are frustrated and fearful adults. There is no easy solution.

Just like Goldilocks found Papa Bear’s chair to be too hard and Mama Bear’s chair to be too soft, each of us are going to have a difficult time finding a suitable comfort zone. After all the bears liked their chairs just the way they were. For the bears their individual chairs were perfect. However, if they had to share one large sofa then, without compromise, someone would be uncomfortable. Mama wouldn’t want it too hard. Papa would want more lumbar support. Unfortunately Baby Bear might not even get a say in the matter. I don’t think I need to explain any further.

The lesson here is that life isn’t a fairy tale and each of us can’t get the exact happy ending we want. There will always be something that causes us to be dissatisfied. Someone will always be disappointed. There will never be universal agreement. Realistically speaking we all have different points of view because we all come from different backgrounds and circumstances. Who is to say that my ‘just right’ will work for you and vice versa? My idea of perfect might be too much for some and not enough for others. Then there will be some who agree with me. Do I only have those few people in my life? How boring life would be if everyone around me shared the exact same opinions!

So I’ll leave all of you with these final thoughts and allow you to wonder down your own path. Maybe, for this last third of the year, we can try to focus less on our individual narratives and try to understand those of other people. I know it can be hard but it can also be very useful. We can’t assume that everyone who has a different point of view is not worthy of speaking their truth. Just because their truth doesn’t resonate with ours it shouldn’t mean we should be dismissive of it. Some of us may actually learn a thing or two and have our whole world changed. Wouldn’t that be something? What if we just listened without becoming defensive? What if we just spoke without arguing? And if our discourse leaves us at a standstill then at least we tried. We can’t make an enemy out of someone because of how they look, because of their profession, because of their religion, because of their political party, or because they want (or don’t want) to wear a mask. I’m sorry we just can’t be like that. We don’t have to agree with them but we certainly don’t need to fight. Take a look around. What has all the discord done for any of us?

I hope you focus on what is best for you and your loved ones and leave other people to do the same. Chances are most everyone wants what they believe is best for themselves and those they care about. Share but don’t force your opinions. Disagree but don’t degrade. Offer viable solutions but don’t give grave ultimatums. When dealing with people who are different from yourself, do something that the fictitious Goldilocks didn’t do with the Bears’ belongings - be an adult and show some restraint and respect when confronted with another’s personal values and convictions because chances are theirs won’t be just right for you and that should be nothing other than alright.

This desk looks “just right” to me but maybe you don’t agree and that is alright with me.

This photo courtesy of Pexels.