Well, it’s been a week since I posted Turkey Vulture and today I was visited again by those lovely underappreciated spirit guides.  Today is a beautiful fall day with blue skies, crisp air, warm sunshine, and the magic of falling leaves.  For some reason falling leaves make me feel like I’m living in a dream or fairy tale.  I love them.  I even enjoy raking them if I choose to do so.  Yes, today I set aside some much needed outside time to transition the property.  The garden tools and tomato cages were put away.  The hummingbird feeders were taken down to be washed and stored until they are needed again.  The other bird feeders were inspected and repaired in preparation for months of feeding hungry migrators and residents.  Today is a transition day and as I peacefully went about my chores there circling low over my head was a kettle of turkey vultures.  Sign taken.  I decided at that moment it was time for an update.

Since writing Turkey Vulture I’ve done a lot of thinking.  Funny how just putting into words how I was feeling really helped me get over the hump.  I read those two newspaper articles that had fallen into my hands.  I made a list of the qualities I value most about myself.  I thought hard about what it is I am doing now versus what I did in the past.  Truth be told I changed and not for the better.  I really allowed my personal standards to drop.  I’ve never been a vane woman but I did value my physical fitness.  I’ve never been a food snob but I did value eating as clean as possible.  I’ve never been overly ambitious but I did value my work ethic.  So I guess I went from hardworking, clean-eating , and physically fit to being a bit lackadaisical, eating too much fast food, and less fitness conscious.  The interesting part of this is that the change was slow and partly unavoidable.   Now do not get me wrong I am not making excuses nor being hard on myself. I’m simply stating facts.  I’ve done my research into me and I know just how and when these changes occurred.

Three years ago my father was diagnosed with Stage 3 Multiple Myeloma.  I was there with him in the doctor’s office.  He was relieved to find out that there was a reason behind his being so weak and tired other than being 80.  Talk about Mr. Bright Side.  I on the other hand knew that this diagnosis was only the beginning of a very long and uphill battle.  My life changed that day as well.  I went from a daughter with a strong independent father to a daughter with a sick retired father. Dad was going to need more help than he’d be prepared to take and I’d be more than willing to give it.  So in the blink of an eye I went from mom of 2 to the poster child of the sandwich generation.  I didn’t mind because I’d do anything for my dad but I never thought about how I was going to be physically affected by the added responsibility. 

If you’ve ever experienced cancer treatment then you understand the weekly appointments and the long treatment sessions.   If you have never then let me just tell you that for the support people it is no picnic either.  My weekly visits with my dad went from walking with the kids, doing the odd chore, and eating together to me driving him to the oncologist, waiting, going to the treatment center, waiting, and then watching him sleep while he received his treatment.   Fortunately all the time spent waiting gave us plenty of time to chat about all sorts of things from serious to frivolous (and that is time well spent).  I started to look forward to Friday visits because they meant having Dad all to myself and reading while he dozed.  But a positive does have a negative.  My negative was a lost day at home which meant coming home to an even longer list of things to get done.   So the entire next day or two I’d be playing catch up instead of playing with my kids (furry ones included).  Plus the driving, long day of sitting, and poor eating slowly and incrementally crept up on me until it left me feeling not quite right.  Those days left me more depleted than the most physically demanding job I’ve ever worked.

Of course one day a week of long hours of sitting and car snacking did not bring about the demise of my own health.  No that was my own illness that did that. In April of 2017 I was hiking the Basha Kill (mentioned in the blog post Bald Eagle) and I picked up a tick.  I did not find it until it was already embedded in my thigh.  10 days later I wake up with a 104.3 fever, body aches, and head pain so severe I couldn’t keep my eyes open.   I’m not one to panic and figured I must have caught a bug from one of the kids.  But it didn’t go away.  Nothing helped. I could not sit up much less drive a car.  I knew my illness was tick born regardless of not having a bull’s eye mark.  Going into detail about how the local health care system failed me will take too long but let me just tell you that it wasn’t until June that an infectious disease doctor diagnosed me with Lyme disease as well as anaplasmosis.  Massive amounts of doxycycline later I was cured of my fever, chronic cough, headaches, and most body aches.  But I was still not myself.  I was stiff all over.  I was fatigued; too tired to do more than the minimum to survive. I fell out of the habit of exercising and couldn’t seem to get myself started again.  Fortunately caring for my animals does keep me moving but not enough to maintain the strength and flexibility I once had.

The third culprit for my decline is one that affects many moms - poor eating habits.  I got into the habit of eating whatever it was I was making the kids because I didn’t want to cook double (fatigue).  Pre children I was a vegetarian and for many years even gluten free.  My food choices were made because of my digestive issues and were habit for me. Unfortunately, perceived lack of time and maybe even laziness (fatigue) caused me to stop caring so much about what I was putting into my body.  First it was pizza and then it was chicken nuggets or spaghetti with butter.  You know the food children just can’t seem to get enough of.  Anyway add to that my husband’s new habit of bringing home fast food as a way to help.  Duh! Of course I’m going to partake in KFC if it means I don’t have to cook and do dishes (fatigue).  But eating this way always hurt my stomach and left me feeling bloated and miserable.  Each time I’d complain but I had fallen into a new bad habit and now I’d have to make an effort to break it.

I learned a lot about myself from my introspection and I’ve come up with a few easy ways to start getting back to my former self.  I’m setting small easy to accomplish goals and as I reach them I’ll add to them.  I walk more (I walk a lot already) by adding a brisk walk every evening down the road and then back up. I also do 20 of each – squats, sit ups, and pushups.  This really lets me know how much I had slipped because I have to do push-ups on my knees now.  I feel good about my progress and encouraged to do more.  Today I added 10 more to my repetitions and some sun salutations.  I’ve also been getting better sleep.   I’ve been going to bed every night by 10 and for the a few days now have been waking up on my own before my 5:45 alarm.  As for my eating habits, I’m never touching fast food again.  Just by omitting that I feel so much better.  Also I am making a conscious effort to eat more fruits and vegetables.  And the only spaghetti with butter that touches my lips is the one strand I taste test before giving the bowl to my daughter.  As for the playing catch up with chores, I decided they’re not going anywhere and will get done sooner or later.  That has seriously freed me up. And finally I started taking my vitamins again.  I had stopped taking vitamin D and magnesium out of pure laziness.  I ran out and never bought new ones.  Just by taking them for a week, my stiff neck has greatly improved.

That’s all it takes – baby steps- little tweaks to feel better.  It didn’t require a huge life changing overhaul.  It just required me to be me.  I just had to remember what it was that got me to this point and be gentle on myself.  I know my body.  I know its capabilities and limits.  I know what agrees with it and what stresses it out.  I have to be my own advocate, coach, and cheerleader.  It’s been a rough few years. It still might get harder. But I’m equipped with my knowledge and experience.  I will transition one step at a time because that’s all I’m required to do. 

photo by Ed Mekeel