Growing Gratitude

Recently I read the wellness book The Feel Good Effect. I took a lot away from this little book that teaches readers to reclaim their wellness by finding small shifts that create big changes. I’m not going to give you a synopsis but I will tell you about a few pages that made me wonder. In the chapter on mindset, the author Robyn Conley Downs discusses gratitude. She explains how showing gratitude can neutralize our inherent negativity bias and bring an end to toxic comparison. This is the quote that stuck with me, “ Because ignoring your feelings or comparing your situation to others is not what gratitude is about. Practicing gratitude is instead about training your brain to see the goodness within the tough, difficult, sometimes draining aspects of everyday life.” So I must ask you, how many times have you said something like, “ I know I should be grateful, especially when so many others are worse off than me” after you’ve complained about some aspect of your life? I know I’ve found myself doing that because, quite frankly, I have an amazing life and I feel a twinge of guilt any time I complain. But I still have bad moods and down days. After all, I’m only human and we are some truly complex organisms.

I’m not going to spend time telling you about the benefits of gratitude. You can read about them on your own time. Instead, I’m going to share a few things that have filled me with gratitude this month. Nope, I won’t be mentioning my beautiful kids or my handsome husband, my improved health or my comfortable wealth, my wonderful friends, or my adorable pets. Nah…those are too obvious. No, I have so much more to be grateful for; things that I would have probably missed if I didn’t decide a few years ago that life is wonderful when I just take the time to wonder about it.

One of my favorite Henry David Thoreau quotes is “It's the beauty within us that makes it possible for us to recognize the beauty around us. The question is not what you look at but what you see.” To me, this means that we can look at just about anything and find beauty if we are filled with positivity. Even if something isn’t classically attractive there can still be beauty in its purpose or being. For example, it is so easy to look at something as beautiful as a daffodil and admire its cheery yellow color and exquisite design. How can you not admire these symbols of rebirth and renewal as they usher in warmer weather and longer days? But have you ever admired the spathe of the daffodil? That’s the unattractive brown part attached to the top of the stem underneath the flower. Its purpose is to protect the bud as it grows. Once the bud grows it splits the spathe apart and the flower emerges. The thin, ribbed, brown membrane remains, covering the base of the bloom. The other day as I was admiring my daffodils I was drawn to the spathe. I looked at how fragile yet strong it is. I was humbled by both its simplicity and its importance. I felt bad that I never gave it its due admiration. In its own right, it is breathtaking because without it the bloom would never be.

Perhaps I was drawn to this crepey, translucent skin because it reminded me of something. But what? I know! It reminds me of a grandparent’s hands. More specifically my Dad’s hands during the end of his life. All the decades of hard work had been erased by a few years of treatment and convalescing. He’d look down at them and marvel at how all the callouses and dirt had been replaced by soft smooth skin. I would hold them, feeling the silky delicate skin, and feel grateful that I had the opportunity to look after my Dad during his vulnerable end of life. It was the least I could do for the man who protected and cared for me my entire life.

Now I cannot mention my Dad without thinking of my Mom. I wonder what her hands would have been like if she had seen old age. I imagine, similar to Dad, she would have lost her callouses and finally achieved the feminine soft hands she’d always envied. But even though it’s been close to two decades since I’ve last seen her, I am constantly reminded of her as I walk around this property. Last week as I was cleaning the barn and pastures, just like my mother did before me, I noticed mushrooms growing out of the manure pile. It was as though they sprung up overnight just so I would have something to wonder about.

In general mushrooms are decomposers meaning they break down dead and decaying matter to make their own food. They make a network of mycelium that extends deep into the soil to decompose dead matter, recycling nutrients and making them available for plants. If decomposition didn’t occur, the nitrogen in organic matter would remain locked up and this would eventually impact the growth of new plants. Mushrooms and other decomposers free up the nitrogen that is trapped in dead vegetation (just take a look in my compost bin). Imagine a forest if these heterotrophs did not exist. It would be full of dead trees and fallen leaves with very little to no new growth. My manure loving shrooms are no different as they break down nitrogen rich horse dung and turn into the black gold that makes my garden grow.

To me the mushroom is symbolic of the circle of life. No matter how much we dislike it, death is part of life. But if you think of life in mushroom terms, death is a new beginning as much as it is an end. A tree that falls and is decomposed doesn’t cease to exist. It merely exists in a new form that will be used by new trees. That’s the same for our loved ones who are no longer with us. We may not be using their nitrogen but we have parts of them that live on. We have lessons and memories that we can share and pass on to the next generation. This keeps them very much alive. My children never met my mother but I bet they feel like they know her. As much I as I wish my time with her wasn’t cut short I am certainly grateful for the time I had with her and the love of the land I inherited from her.

Part of loving the land on which I live is protecting it and noticing the changes to it. I often stroll the pastures to note how erosion and use are changing them. Horses can be beneficial on large tracts of land but when confined to small pastures they can do some damage. It really comes down to management and paying attention to what is growing because not all that is green is grass. That is why I spend a lot of time looking down. If hadn’t been looking down I might have missed a big patch of moss growing. This isn’t the first time moss is making me wonder. In fact, moss is the reason I even started this website. But instead of growing on my stone wall this current patch was growing on the ground.

From a farming point of view moss in your field means either the area is too compacted, lacking fertility, or too acidic (or any combination of the three) to support grass. The moss is a reminder that I better get to work improving the soil and checking for runoff when it rains. But it does also have a function. You see, even if I don’t get to work, the moss will help me out. It will aid in controlling the soil erosion by providing surface cover and absorbing water. The moss will break down exposed substrata and release nutrients for the use of more complex plants that succeed them. I wonder if I just leave that area alone for a few years if it will all turn out ok.

Given moss’s gentle nurturing role in nature it is no surprise that it symbolically represents motherhood and patience. Just like a caring mother takes her time to nurture her children into adulthood, moss slowly turns infertile surfaces into substrate that is suitable for other plants to thrive. I like this comparison. It makes me feel grateful for the patience and peace I’ve been able to develop over the years. Whether it’s the light touch I use when trying to encourage my apathetic teen to do his best or the kind self talk I use when I’m working on improvements and new endeavors, these qualities have made my life so much better.

This wondering made me realize that gratitude has to be sown, nurtured, and tended. It doesn’t come from having the best of everything but from having appreciation for everything that we do have. Unfortunately, we have so many needs and wants and our lives are so complicated and minds never rest. No wonder it is difficult to let go of negative thoughts or to really acknowledge our feelings. That’s the thing about being human - sometimes we are loving life to the fullest while other times we feel like it is complete and utter crap . It’s up to us to appreciate the good times but it’s during those crappy times that we have to remember that mushrooms help turn manure into nourishing plant food, that moss protects unstable soil, and without the spathe there wouldn’t be vibrant yellow daffodils to admire.

Thank you for taking the time to wonder along with me. I hope reading this has made you think about some of the things for which you are grateful. Until next time I hope you remember that life is wonderful when you just take the time to wonder about it.